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Monthly Archives: February 2016

Snakes on an Island

27 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by rikemans in satire

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Several years ago, I wrote a letter that the Post printed.  In that letter, I suggested that Massachusetts solve its problem of an exploding deer population by reintroducing some of their former predators.  I pointed out the gains they would reap from sitting in their dens in Boston, sipping their apple martinis, while watching wild-eyed does being killed by ravenous wolves on their front lawns.  It turns out that officials of that state must have read the letter.  Though the wheels of bureaucracy have taken a decade to act, they have now managed to reintroduce timber rattlesnakes onto an island in a state park. 

Although I feel a certain feeling of vindication in this action, I do have a message for the officials of Massachusetts: I WAS ONLY KIDDING!  It was a joke, people.  It really doesn’t make any sense to place deadly poisonous reptiles in a heavily populated state.  Regardless of the questionable political judgment of this state (thanks for John Kerry, folks), I still don’t want these progressives to die a painful death. 

Wildlife officials claim that the snakes will remain on the island since there will be plenty of food.  This presumes that the mice on the island will agree to the arrangement and forego their watery escape route, and that the snakes will never go for a swim to see if there are more tasty rodents on the far shore. 

Then again, perhaps I am missing the point.  Since Massachusetts is home to so many who feel that our planet earth is overpopulated, the state may be doing its part to eliminate excess population.  As a bonus, snakes don’t drive gas-guzzlers.

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